Free-D

You know you’re in trouble once you Start writing about writing. This column is usually composed,between coffees, in the seclusion of a local bar; but this week an interruption arrived in the form of a semi drunken diatribe, delivered by “Juan” (a gent of Castilian heritage). My eyes had barely swept the morning papers, lingering upon a wonderfully revealing double portrait of Berlusconi and Putin, in the same way one catches sight of a threatening pile of something unmentionable on the pavement. Juan sat beside me and introduced himself, prefacing his monologue with the promising words, “I noticed you were French”.

During his address, much of which was incomprehensible, I managed to make out a reference to the near severing of a hand, a desire to see the city of Liverpool (!) and an unpleasant episode with a Swiss man. There was much repetition, a large dose of rather salty language and a slightly threatening constant poking of my shoulder, by way of emphasis. Of course all this time the frustration was building; it’s bad enough being cornered by a loquacious drunk, but it’s near unbearable when a severe lack of coffee is needling  you.  Finally, after generally belabouring the Swiss for a good half hour, Juan enquired into my business. Without thinking, I replied “I’m an author”, blushing at the lie even as I spoke. “Well”, I thought, “We’re all charlatans to some extent, who doesn’t make out that somehow they’re better than they actually are?”  Heavens, if it’s good enough for world leaders surely us everyday Joes are allowed the odd “porky”. I tried to give Juan the “brush off” by using work as an excuse, and didn’t expect any response other than another version of the story he’d just told seven or eight times; so it was to my surprise, that he very politely replied that he wouldn’t detain me any longer and that I obviously had very important work to do. He shuffled off to the bar and began telling someone else about his poor damaged hand. I suspect he tells the same story hundreds of times a day to equally uncaring people. Stories: We all tell them, some more pretentious than others; but what separates a “story” from a “lie”?  It’s hard to say, but if you’re looking for success, as good old Adolf said, “make the lie big”. Of course he also said, “It is not truth that matters, but victory”. It would seem then that some politicians do actually listen to what history has to teach; which reminds  me; “congratulations” Silvio on your recent success.